I have been through times in my life where I have regularly asked the Universe for things — more work, financial stability, love, friends, etc. At those times, I felt either lonely or bored or broke or unsuccessful — maybe a combination of all four.
I’m not sure it’s because I asked repeatedly or if it was just sheer luck, but in the last few years I’ve gotten a lot of the things that I spent years asking for. I have more illustration work than I sometimes feel like I can handle (a lot of it with dream clients), I have a wonderful partner (and animals), and I have so many amazing friends. My life is full and good.
Maybe you can relate to this, but now I sit and ask the Universe for time. Because mostly I feel overwhelmed. I am often not sure how I can meet my multiple work deadlines, or how I can give my partner the time and attention she deserves, or how I can make time for friends. I fantasize about down time or crawling in a dark hole to get away from the demands of my life.
Don’t get me wrong. I am grateful. I think all the time about how incredibly lucky I am to have a stable art practice with fantastic clients, to have a wonderful partner (now fiancee) and to have so many friendships. Mostly, I feel really, really happy. But isn’t it interesting how once we get what we ask for, we realize life still isn’t perfect?
I have chosen this life that I now have, and I wouldn’t trade it. But I do feel pretty harried a lot of the time, because with abundance comes stuff like more email and higher tax payments — generally more commitments and obligations. I have to believe that it’s possible to have abundance (work, love, friends) and also feel calm. I guess that’s what I need to figure out next.
And so off I go into my day.